12 Jan 13 most common mistakes people make in a relationship
1. Poor communication
- Not listening enough
- Not talking enough
- Talking too much (Nagging)
- Talking to the wrong people
- Telling lies
- Talking at the wrong time
- Unclear and unspoken expectations - expecting understanding without communication
- Interrupting each other during conversations (especially arguments)
- Not keeping an open mind to see the other person’s point of view
- Ignoring the basic courtesy of “Please, Thank You, and I’m Sorry”.
- When to do it - finding the best time
- Arguing about how often it is done - daily? Once a week? Twice a month?
- Who initiates sex and makes the first move? Why is it always me?
- Where to do it - must it be in the bedroom? Can’t we get crazy?
- Scheduling specific times for sex or doing it spontaneously
- Dealing with claims of “tiredness” - both real and false claims.
- Not talking about money
- Lying about your financial status
- Debt - credit cards, student loans, car payments, etc.
- Not earning enough money (wages & salary)
- One partner refuses to work
4. Lack of conflict resolution
- Avoiding confrontation
- Not being able to talk things over
- Using blanket statements like “You always do this, You never do that, etc.”
- Allowing problems to pile up before facing them
- Seeing disagreements as a personal attack
- Withdrawing & going blank on your partner - the silent treatment
- Ego - not being willing to make the first move - always waiting for the other partner to apologize first
- Not focusing on the issue at hand - bringing up past quarrels and arguing about them today instead of the current problem
5. Forgetting the romance and intimacy
- Not saying “I love you” - and truly mean it
- No more holding hands & opening doors
- No more intimate and heart-to-heart sweet, midnight talks
- No more doing stuff together (cooking, walking, playing games, etc.)
- No more gifts and surprises
- No more massaging her feet
- No more small touches & hugs here are there
- Cheating doesn’t need any further explanation.
- Not planning for the arrival of kids
- Not agreeing on how many kids you want
- Not preparing for the sleepless nights
- Not supporting each other
- Not agreeing on how best to discipline the kids
8. Social media
- Posting every private detail of your life online
- Fighting with your partner over comments, likes, and follows
- Bashing your ex online
- Stalking your partner via their online pages and profiles
9. Being too busy for each other
- Not making any time to spend together
- When you finally get time together, you’re looking at your phone rather than being lost in your partner’s warm embrace
- Not paying attention to your job & career choices when you have a decision to make - thereby choosing jobs that suck life out of your relationship
10. Lack of investment in the relationship
- Not caring deeply enough for your partner
- Not giving your all - always wanting to balance everything at 50-50
- Thinking that your relationship will just get better on its own without you working for it
- Not creating enough time for your partner
- Hiding your emotions as a way to keep yourself from getting hurt
11. Lack of respect
- Becoming so used to your partner that you treat them without respect
- Not being polite and friendly to them
- Talking badly about your partner behind their back
- Telling your intimate problems to friends and family.
- Not paying attention to their feelings - or dismissing such feelings as unimportant
12. Not breaking away from negative relationships
- Committing too quickly - having sex at the first opportunity, making promises to be together “forever”, and introducing each other to their families.
- Trying to change someone who is obviously not ready to be with you
- Thinking you can’t leave them ‘cos you feel that no one else will love you as much
- Recognizing red flags but not running away immediately
- Making excuses for their bad treatment of you
- Not investing in yourself to become the kind of person you’re looking for
13. Lack of forgiveness
- Not being willing to forgive and let go
- Always bringing up a past hurt - talking about it again & again
- Blaming your partner for a genuine mistake
- Developing insecurity as a result of past hurt
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