19 Oct 5 “Insignificant” things that cause big problems in relationships
We all know about the great causes of relationship problems such as cheating, financial difficulty, lack of communication, sex disagreements, and external influence from family/friends.
However, there are “smaller” issues that are often overlooked because they don’t get as much attention as the bigger causes listed above.
Unfortunately, these smaller issues are leading to more and more unhappy relationships and failed marriages.
Here’s a quick rundown of five (5) overlooked problems that lead to strained relationships and marriages:
1. Not preparing for the arrival of kids: When you’re alone with your partner, it’s so easy to have time for each other and enjoy your sweet moments without any interruptions. As soon as kids enter the equation, it’s a whole different ball game.
Most people treat child-bearing as just a “normal” part of a relationship; and therefore, don’t make any serious plans on how to deal with the arrival of kids.
This often leads to a shock as a result of all the new responsibilities and sleepless nights. Also, most couples find at this time that the woman no longer pays much attention to her partner, which can lead to withdrawal and emotional strain.
To avoid this problem, first you need to spend some time with your partner to talk and understand the new life you’ll be dealing with when you have kids.
Also, you have to remember that your relationship with your partner is top priority; and so, you must find ways to keep the fire burning in your relationship.
2. Emotional cheating: This is when you cheat on your partner without actually cheating on them. You give your time, emotions, attention, and affections to someone else to whom you’re sexually attracted, but you guys haven’t had sex just yet.
Technically, you can argue that you’ve done nothing wrong. But ask yourself just this one question: “If it’s not wrong, why are you hiding?”
Emotional cheating leads to withdrawal and distance between you and your partner. This emotional distance then leads to bigger problems that are more difficult to solve.
The best and simple solution to this is to remove yourself from any and every situation that can lead to you becoming emotionally attached to someone else.
In my experience dealing with various couples, they usually have an excuse why they started getting attracted to a 3rd party: “He was always at work.” “She never wanted to have sex with me.” “We were no longer flowing together.”
No matter the reason, you can talk things over with your partner. Don’t go outside to look for comfort.
3. Having different (or hidden) plans for the future: There's this sweet couple who got married just last Summer. Fast-forward a few months and they’re on the verge of a divorce. What happened?
Turns out, the lady had a secret plan to become an actress for adult movies…and she NEVER mentioned any such thing to her partner while they were dating.
Her partner is not in support and won’t have any of it; but the lady insists she’s free to do whatever she wants. I bet you're free to do what you want young lady, but why didn’t you tell him your plans before now?
When you don’t disclose your plans and ambitions to your partner, it can lead to serious problems down the line.
4. External Influence: More and more people today are worried by what others think about them; and therefore, are living their lives to please those people. This is especially evident on social media. The funny thing is that most times you don’t even know who these people are..
While it’s good to feel like you are part of a larger community, stop taking your private matters online. I’ve seen couples fight over status messages and comments in public threads. This is completely unnecessary and only leads to bigger issues at home.
Deal with your problems internally, or seek professional advice from a trained Relationship Coach who will keep your matters private. Stop bashing each other in public.
5. Dealing with a partner’s addictions: When one partner is an addict and the other one is “trying to change them”, it can become really stressful.
It doesn’t matter the addiction; it often creates a sense of resentment when the “free” partner feels like the addict is not doing enough to drop their habits. And this leads to stress and tension in the relationship.
While patience and tolerance are important virtues for any relationship, it may also be important to seek out professional help for such situations.
Avoid these “small” problems today and your relationship will be happier for it.
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