02 Nov Why Marriages Fail: 10 Most Common Reasons
Getting married is a beautiful thing.
Almost every lady (and man) dreams of that special day where you’ll be the centre of attention; and the whole world revolves around you. Unfortunately, that dream can quickly turn into a nightmare.
Here are 10 of the most common reasons why marriages fail:
1. Poor communication: Communication is the foundation of any relationship. If your communication is not right, you'll suffer in other areas. This will lead to emotional distance, a lack of understanding, and ultimately – a failed marriage.
Solving these communication mistakes will go a long way in saving your marriage from divorce.
2. Sex: When to do it, how often it is done, where to do it – these are just some of the sexual problems marriages face. For couples, sexual intercourse is beyond the act of sex in itself. It is mainly determined by feelings and emotions.
Therefore, when the feelings are not right, the bed-life suffers. This can lead to many problems, including cheating & divorce.
3. Money: Financial stress is one of the leading causes why marriages fail. If you’re in huge debt and you’re struggling to get by each month, the pressure can lead to resentment in your relationship and eventually damage your marriage.
By learning how to deal with your finances as a couple, you give yourself a better shot at a happy marriage.
4. Lack of intimacy: Intimacy is not just about sex. Holding hands, a little touch here and there, unexpected kisses, 5-second hugs, foot massage – there are many ways of maintaining your physical and emotional intimacy with your partner.
Many couples who get divorced report that their partner had lost that “special something” that makes them feel close to each other.
5. Infidelity: Whether it's a one-night stand or a full-blown, long-term affair, people cheat every day. This happens with or without provocation from their partner.
Sometimes, they forgive and move on. Most times though, infidelity will lead to a divorce. Extramarital affairs are one of the major reasons why marriages fail.
6. Kids: Kids are supposed to be a blessing in a marriage (and trust me they are). However, they can also become a reason why marriages fail.
Some common issues around kids include: Should we have kids? How many do we want? When do we want to start? What should be the interval between them? How do we discipline them?
These are basic questions that should have been answered even before you said “I do”. But most people don’t talk about them; and this leads to disagreements, fights & separation.
7. External interference: Having the support of your family and friends is very important for married couples. However, there must be clearly defined boundaries of what they can get involved with or not.
When you let 3rd parties have a direct influence in your marriage, you can be sure it won’t end so well.
8. Being too busy for each other: When you don’t spend enough time with your partner, you run the risk of becoming strangers in your own relationship.
The amount of time you spend together (quantity) is very important. But what you do when you’re together (quality) is even more important. If you both have full-time jobs and little kids to look after, you barely get an hour each day without any distraction.
Question is, what do you do with the 1 hour you're able to steal? Do you spend it on your phones looking at social media instead of asking each other how your day went? Do you spend it on watching TV rather than talking about your home?
9. Unforgiveness of past mistakes: Nobody likes being hurt by their partner. However, as long as we are humans, we’ll keep hurting each other (knowingly or unknowingly). Question is, do you keep talking about the hurt over and over again? If you don’t let go of past mistakes, you create tension and negativity; which leads to emotional distance and ultimately separation.
10. Abuse: Unfortunately, people still suffer abuse in their marriages. Sometimes, the abuse is physical. Other times however, it could be verbal, emotional, and psychological.
None of them is okay, they all hurt. And that’s why people keep calling it quits from abusive relationships.
How to solve these problems
It is impossible to write an exact list of solutions to the problems above. This is because every couple is different. Therefore, even though the problems they face are similar, their circumstances are unique.
The best way to solve these problems is to avoid them altogether. Yes, difficulties will arise from time to time; but it is very important to deal with them as soon as they come up so that they don’t become very big issues.
Here are some tips to consider:
1. Fix your communication, and everything else will fall into place.
2. Be transparent and honest. Lies will never bring any good to your relationship.
3. Forgive quickly, and don’t keep reminding your partner of their wrongdoing.
4. Ask for help when you need it, don’t wait until things get out of hand. Talking with a Relationship Coach can help. They bring their objectivity because they are not in the situation, and will often tell you where you are wrong. If you talk to your family and friends, they will always side you.
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